I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
