I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
high people should be assigned attendants
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
