Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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