Im at strip club and am horny
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
