You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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