it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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