i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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