I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
