She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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