"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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