I faked an abortion last night.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
