I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
