fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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