I wish I could teleport
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
