I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
