My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
There's always time for handjobs
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
