going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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