I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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