Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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