My liver just broke up with me...
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
