I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
