i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
