why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
