Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
