Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
