A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She's the barista slut.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
