Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
