mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
