i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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