Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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