**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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