I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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