I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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