don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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