Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
