He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize