That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
