Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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