Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
