I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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