Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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