haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
