end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
