at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
