She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
