i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
