I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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