i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
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