Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
