He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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