You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
