conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
