He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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