So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
