You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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