Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
