I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
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He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
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If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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