just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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