Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
