At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
