wakey wakey hands off snakey
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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