he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize