R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
