I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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