Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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