I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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