It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
