i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
