..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I am mentally ready for anal.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
