Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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