I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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