i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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