I bet he comes in French.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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