I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
